THE MOST AMAZING GIF/SANDWICH... THE HAMMERTIME

the most amazing GIF

(and sandwich)

YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

I call this one "THE HAMMERTIME"

This is me eating a fucking sandwich, people. Not just any ole' sandwich though. This one's "THE HAMMERTIME" and it's in ALL CAPS and bold because it's coming down like a mwuthafuckin' hammer ya'll. Even the quotation marks are in bold. It's a serious sandwich for a serious guy like myself. Therefore, the serious name.

Here's a brief yet informative description; It's got onions, salami, pepp-pepps, questionable lettuce, mayo, mustard, Sriracha, and there's probably something else. Oh yeah, provolone cheese. I don't play, people. you see that knife? Eat at your own risk.

The animated GIF you posted above will show you how I cut my sandwich. Perfectly. If you cut your sandwich any other way, the Sandwich Police, which I am Deputy of, will find you and fine you. If you attempt to post any video responses or websites herein considered by the SP to be infringing upon the freedom of speech or opinions of this blog, I will turn off your internet worse than Egypt.

Love,

Your Sandwich Leader

P.S. Freedom starts with your cutting board.

SANDWICHES DON'T ADVOCATE TELLING BITCHES TO MAKE THEM FOR MEN

This video made me think so I thought I'd post it. (That's thinking twice)

I mean, the video is straight up great. The song is should probably be is #1 on the chart but I strongly believe it is wrong for a woman to make a man a sandwich. That's not only sexist but men just plain make better sandwiches. Deal with it ladies. Real men do two things well - love Jesus and make a sandwich.

THE DOUBLE DECKER PIZZA SANDWICH: OK, THE PLAY BY PLAY

Due to the many e-mails I have gotten from hungry fans, I am posting step by step instructions on how to make the Double Decker Pizza Sandwich that I invented. You are legally allowed to make this sandwich for your own home use but are prohibited from selling this. I own the patent and I'm not budging for any sum of money. With that out of the way, here goes.

Ingredients:

3 Slices of Bread

1 Red Pepper

Tomato Sauce

Pepperoni

Shredded Cheese

Utensils:

Cutting Board

Knife

Baking Sheet

Aluminum Foil

Okay, now we're ready! Let's get started!

THE PLAY BY PLAY

Step 1: Lay out all your ingredients and utensils 

so you can take a picture of them. Brand names

and labels face out so people know what goes on it.

Step 2: Cut your red pepper.

Step 3: Place red peppers on at least 2 slices of 

bread.

Step 4: Place pepperoni on at least two slices of 

bread. (Note: One slice of bread still has nothing 

on it...AT ALL!)

Step 5: Woah! Now there's tomato sauce on it.

Spread with knife or whatever you are okay 

with having touch your sandwich.

Step 6: Start applying cheese to one slice of 

bread. (Note: Leave your tomato sauce out.

You'll need it later.)

Step 7: Apply cheese to the other sandwich that

has the red peppers and pepperoni on it.

Step 8: Take the tomato saucy piece of bread and

place it sauce-side down on either one of the

matching pieces of bread. It doesn't matter 

which one. 

Step 9: Move the regular sandwich into field of

view of the camera.

Step 10: Start applying tomato sauce onto the one

thing that already seems like a sandwich. Don't 

worry, you aren't ruining a perfectly good sand-

wich. You are actually very close to having 

yourself the perfect double decker snack. 

Step 11: Move both things you have there into

view of camera.

Step 12: Take the one sandwich that looks like 

it's already a perfectly good sandwich and flip it

directly on top of the other sandwich.

Step 12: Move that into camera's field of view.

Step 13: Purposely left out cause I don't want no

unlucky sandwich.

Step 14: Take sandwich out of oven. Make sure to

use an oven mitt if you placed that thing on a

baking sheet.

Step 15: Cut sandwich. (Note: ALWAYS cut sand-

wich diagonally. So your pieces look like triangles

because indie kids love triangles and prisms, and

anything that has prisms on it or in the name will

soon become really trendy and trite. Also works 

for music and artwork.)

Step 16: Smile and eat.

Alright, that's it for now. I got real-life things to do. 

Internet Love,

The Sandwich Man

TOGETHER, WE CAN EAT THE WORLD!

Sandwich Number Two. No description necessary. It's a sandwich, asshole!

OMG! BABY'S FIRST SANDWICH EVER!

Hello world,

Here's the scoop. It's a triple decker double hitter Salami sandwich. You know all the fixin's are on there. Don't pretend. Looks good, huh?

Here's how to make it in slow-mo:

Step 1: Make sandwich 

Step 2: Eat sandwich 

Step 3: You're finished! 

You did it! You just completed a sandwich!